The Daily Mail, a British “newspaper”, has exclusively revealed that celebrities, upon whose every Fart the great, grateful, public hangs, are having the cheek to act like so-called normal people on a trendy web bauble called ‘Twitter’.

Clearly, this outrageous behaviour undermines the press’s valiant efforts to stalk these people to within a non-metric inch of their short, tragic lives. To illustrate, the Mail has helpfully included a large photograph of short, tragic celebrity Britney Spears.

Meanwhile, in other news…

The Daily Telegraph, a “British” newspaper, reports that celebrity personages, not content with their elevated status in life, now have the effrontery to behave as commonly as the man on the Clapham omnibus, by means of a passing fad called ‘Twitter’.

Remarkably, the Telegraph’s venerable Journalistic Investigatron did find a different picture of Britney Spears to illustrate their quite independently conceived story, a picture that also contains a large non-celebrity tastefully concealed by a cake.

I understand both newspapers intend to reveal Britney’s deepest thoughts and feelings about the cake, once another newspaper copies what she says about it from the Googles.

(Note: this story was based on contributions from actual talented people via Twitter.)